


Not Your Fault

by Jarino



Series: Rima Lavellan, Herald of Andraste [8]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Dragon Age Quest: Champions of the Just, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Relationship, Therinfal Redoubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 20:20:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4933921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jarino/pseuds/Jarino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of Therinfal Redoubt, Rima has been avoiding Cullen and he can't seem to figure out why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Your Fault

Cullen didn’t know what to make of Rima’s behavior upon her return from Therinfal Redoubt. When she first returned and announced that she’d disbanded the templars, he’d been furious. He would have expected her to retaliate and attempt to defend her position, but rather than arguing with him, she had instead responded by flinching back in fear. Confused, he drew back the intensity of his concerns, but she still appeared on edge, avoiding his gaze and keeping her distance.

On several occasions, he had tried to pull her aside to discuss matters that needed her attention, but each time she mumbled an excuse, never meeting his gaze, before she ran off. For the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why she was acting this way and as he sat at the war table, reviewing reports, he found his thoughts constantly roaming back to her.

“Amber eyes like daggers, teeth bared in hatred. His grip too tight.”

Cullen started at the sudden appearance of the demon – spirit that Rima had recruited from Therinfal. What was his name again? Cole? He glared back at the boy, wary of his presence, his hand resting on his sword in case the creature made a move.

“She’s hurting,” he continued. “Envy hurt her and we killed it, but it’s still hurting her. Memories won’t leave. Playing and re-playing endlessly; won’t let up.”

 His face softened slightly at the boy’s words. Was he talking about Rima? He recalled from her report that they’d encountered an Envy demon, but she hadn’t written much on that account.

Cole looked up, meeting the Commander’s gaze, his ice blue eyes boring into him. “You were there. Or rather, it was you. It wore your skin; teasing and tormenting her. She knows you’re not him, but the face is so similar. Memories come flooding back.”

Cullen could feel the color immediately drain from his face and sensed his heart drop. The demon had impersonated him and tortured the Herald? Maker, no wonder she’d been avoiding him. His throat felt tight, filling with guilt and sympathy all wrapped up in one. He knew all too well what it was like for a demon to imitate those close to someone and abuse them with the memories.

“You can help her,” Cole added and Cullen looked up at him once more. “She’s frightened, but she wants to see you. The real you.”

Cullen shifted uncomfortably on his feet, staring down at the reports in front of him with uncertainty. He lifted his gaze to ask the boy another question, but he was already gone. Shaking his head, he looked out the window and noticed the sun had set while he’d been working. It was late…would she really welcome his company?

As he continued to stare out the window in contemplation, he finally let out a huff of breath before pulling his cloak over his shoulders. Sod it. Might as well try.

He headed out of the Chantry, the brisk mountain air greeting him like a slap to the face. Pushing through the cold, he began making his way towards the Herald’s cabin, giving a few brief nods of acknowledgement to soldiers he passed along the way. When he finally reached her door, he hesitated. Was this a mistake? Wouldn’t seeing him just make her more upset? He let out a deep sigh. But the spirit had said he could help her…and even if he didn’t fully trust the boy, he wanted to believe he could help Rima through her troubles.

Reluctantly, he raised a fist to knock on the door and banged it against the wooden surface. After a few moments, he heard a reply on the other side. “Yes? Who is it?”

Taking a gulp, he responded, “It’s Commander Cullen, your Worship.”

There was a pause before the voice stuttered back, “Oh, um…I’m terribly sorry, but I’m a tad busy at the moment. Can it wait until tomorrow?”

“I…” He let out another sigh, attempting to find his words. “I am aware that you’ve been avoiding me, Herald. I simply wish to speak with you.”

A significantly longer pause followed his remark and for a while, he worried she was simply ignoring him in the hopes that he’d leave. After a while, though, she replied in a small voice, “We’re speaking now, aren’t we?”

“Ah…yes, well…” He cleared his throat briefly before continuing. “The, um…spirit boy spoke to me earlier about the events at Therinfal…”

More silence, which was finally broken by a hesitant question. “…What did he say?”

“He…told me about your encounter with the Envy demon…And why you’ve been avoiding me,” he uttered carefully.

There was a slight thud on the other side of the door, which he suspected was her resting against its surface. “I see…” He thought he made out the sound of a muffled sigh, but he couldn’t be sure. “I’m sorry, Commander…you must think me such a fool. I’m aware that the demon is long dead, yet I’m still letting my fears dictate my entire life…”

He pressed against the wooden surface, wishing instead he could place his hands on her shoulders in comfort. “No…I don’t think that at all. If anything, I completely understand what you’re going through.”

“You…you do?”

“Yes…” he replied softly. “I have had numerous encounters with demons in my time as a templar, but none were more excruciating than the ones that played mind games with you. To have those memories haunt you…I’m afraid I know that feeling all too well.”

There was another long pause before he heard the click of a lock being undone and he barely had time to lean back from the door before it swung open. She stood in her nightclothes, a simple cotton shirt and breeches and he had to force himself to keep his eyes on her face.

Her gaze remained plastered to the floor and her hands hung limply at her sides. With great effort, she finally made to look up at Cullen, her pale green eyes full of uncertainty. Slowly, ever so slowly, she took a step towards him and stared at him for what felt like an eternity. He held his breath and remained stiff, uncertain what she was expecting him to do.

Eventually, she let out a sigh of relief and looked up at him with a small smile. “I suppose if you were going to do something, you’d have done it by now.”

He looked at her first in confusion, but he slowly realized what she meant. She’d been standing before him in a vulnerable state…the purpose of which was likely to remind herself that this truly was the Commander, not a man who intended to harm her.

He returned the smile, her presence warming his bones from the chill of the mountain air.

“I’ll see you in the morning, then?” she asked.

“Indeed you shall.” He gave a small nod before taking a few steps back. “Goodnight, my lady.”

“Goodnight,” she said softly, closing the door behind her.


End file.
